


Leave A Message

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Gen, answering machines, there is literally no happiness in this, tw for mentions of suicide and suicide attempts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 01:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11956800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Evan barely registered the single ring over the pounding in his head. All he noticed was how the call immediately went to voicemail."Hi, it's Heidi. I can't be at the phone at the moment, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!" It funneled into the generic reminder about waiting until the tone, and Evan felt himself shudder. He resisted throwing his phone into the tree five feet away from him."At the tone, please record your message."





	Leave A Message

**Author's Note:**

> I'm.. Sorry?

     Evan couldn't tell if he was crying or if his vision was just fuzzy, but everything was blurry: the bark of the trees nearby, the buttons on his phone screen as he tried for the fourth time to type in his passcode, and his mom's name as he pressed a shaky finger to her contact.

     Evan barely registered the single ring over the pounding in his head. All he noticed was how the call immediately went to voicemail.

     "Hi, it's Heidi!" Even with white noise filling his ears, Evan could still make out the hubbub of the hospital Heidi had had to record his voicemail in. "I can't be at the phone right now, so leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!" It funneled into the generic reminder about waiting until the tone, and Evan shuddered, able to recognize the tears dripping down his face. He resisted throwing his phone straight into a tree, and bit his bottom lip so hard he tasted blood. Fantastic, on top of an arm that was half numb and half searing with pain, he'd bitten straight into his bottom lip.

     "At the tone, please record your message." Evan waited, hands trembling, and when the phone beeped, he choked out, "M-mom, I.. Uh, I really need you, p-p-please call me back." He hung up and started over.

     "C-call back.."

     "Please call back..."

     "Mom, _please_..." He wrapped his good arm around his stomach, gasping out little wheezes as he cried. _Stupid, stupid, she doesn't care, you knew she'd be better off, why'd you mess this up, she doesn't care, (she promised she cares, she cares she's just busy, she cares) she hates you, they hate you, why wouldn't they (they don't, you're overreacting) like always, fucking crybaby, even Alana Beck and Connor Murphy hate you, and they're just as bad as you (that's awful to think, Alana's sweet, she's always been nice to you) out of pity she hates you too she just wants points at colleges for being nice to the freaks. Freak, freak, freak, your mom doesn't care, no one cares._

     "There's nothing-- you can do," Evan murmured between gasps for air. "Just get up. Get.. Get out of this place." _You'd be better off dead._ "Already thought of that, you've just got to.. To get out of here." After a few minutes, he pushed himself off the ground, standing unsteadily and making his way back towards the entrance, back into the sun. One last time, he tried his mom's contact.

     "After the tone, please record your message."

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how sad this was, but drop a comment to tell me! Comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated.  
> I've reread the moment where Evan talks about how Heidi didn't even answer her phone more than I can count, and I love Heidi, but it's so defining for Evan's character I had to write about it. This is sloppy and I don't really like it, but that's what happens when you write at midnight.  
> Come throw headcanons at me (talk to me please) on tumblr.hellsite @pshhhhhhhnah or @dreamsanddaylilies! (I also have a DEH ask blog @ask-DEH-on-gap-year, check that out if you want!)  
> Thanks for reading!


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